Coming Out Poly

Writers group was this weekend. Elle had a nice time; we went over two of her flash fiction pieces. I think it was a very successful group, which always makes me feel very good about running this thing. However, we had a bit of a slip-up from a friend who attends the group.

Elle has a story about a girl whose guy cheats on her. In a moment of anger, she paints a vile portrait of him, stuffs it in a shipping tube and sends it to him (and his new live-in girlfriend). CW leans over the table at the end of the discussion and whispers "just a word of advice: don't piss her off". There was an odd pause; I looked at him, turned and looked at Elle, then glanced around at the rest of the group. No one seemed to really catch on, but it settled my heart firmly in my throat for the rest of the afternoon. I trust CW; he's a great guy. This was an honest slip-up, and I don't fault him for it. He's known since nearly the first time we really had a chat. So I won't fault him too much for it.

But how do you deal with that sort of thing? That's like being homosexual and someone else outing you at a party or some jazz. You're a little upset, but really, what's the best reaction in that sort of scenario? Laugh it off? Just acknowledge it with everyone? I think I'd be most upset by the idea that these people, who I've come to respect, would respond differently to me, to my professionalism, and to my writing in a much different way than they have in the past. That would be the most disappointing thing, I would think.

On another note, that same night, we went out to dinner with Nyla and her friend Bucks. The restaurant was good; the food was mediocre. The conversation, however, was riotous. We talked a great deal about the lack of clothing worn by the performers at The Grammy's (yeah, we watched them because they had it on TV, and the guy who owns the place is the drummer from the now-defunct band, Citizen King). We also talked about feminism, sex, politics, Milwaukee, and then poly. I think Bucks was a little creeped out that I was talking to him about poly - even though he's aware that I'm married to Nyla (his friend) and dating Elle. When I began talking to him about rather mundane poly topics (community, other poly friends, etc.) he got a little shifty in his chair, and it made me wonder how certain people react the way they do. I suppose I just know to not really discuss it around him; something about it makes him uncomfortable - though it's nice to know that he's accepting of it. Some people are just that way.