Coming Out Poly

What is marriage? Throughout our lives (for most of us) it means a life-long commitment to a person of the opposite sex. It means loving and cherishing that person until one of you dies. My parents were divorced when I was little more than 2; Nyla's parents divorced when she was 8; Elle's parents when she was 12. Only my parents remarried after their divorce. My father has been in a healthy relationship since then - 18 years of marriage. My mother, on the other hand, just divorced her second husband after 18 years. I guess my dad won that competition.

So what does it really mean? To me and Nyla is a decision that we felt was right. We wanted to be with one another, and we wanted that to be for a long time. It still means that. Just now we have the opportunity to have other people in our lives for an extended period of time, too. Marriage - the institution of - is a bureaucratic entity. There's no emotional value to it; there's no benefit from it spiritually (at least for me). It's monetary and convenient. That's not to say that my level of commitment is different. That's just my thoughts on the function of an institution. Even with my current lifestyle, I'd still marry Nyla again.

She's been reading Ravencroft's "Polyamory", and it has a section in there on marriage that I thought was interesting. We've had common law marriages in this country for decades. Wisconsin doesn't recognize such a law, but plenty of other states do. So that means there is no religious necessity for marriage in those states: you can get married even without a county clerk. If that's true, then shouldn't anyone cohabiting for an extended period of time be considered married regardless of gender? Seems like it should be to me.

The Human Right Campaign is sending around a petition for Equal Marriage Rights. You should sign it. HRC Equal Marriage Rights petition