Networking

My world is small. I think everyone's is when it really comes down to it. There's always that feeling of "six degrees of separation" you get whenever you meet someone new. In the poly community, my world seems to be even smaller.

Recently, Elle's friend, Rae, asked me if I knew a poly couple that she'd been talking to through her craiglist ad. Of course I did; I seem to know everyone according to my wife. I gave her the go-ahead on meeting with them (Rae's not really poly; she was just looking for like-minded folk to hang out with), and it turned out less than desirable. Much uncomfortableness was had, and Rae's a little skeptical on my choices, I'm sure.

It's hard to gauge people sometimes, especially in a community like ours where there is a substantially higher rate of sexual appetite. I won't lie and say that there isn't an underlying current of sexuality that is present in the poly community: there is. We're just not swingers. There is a substantial difference between having sex entirely for pleasure with no commitment and making a commitment to someone have reaping the benefits of sexual pleasure. Polyamorists are not swingers. We may enjoy sex like anyone else, but we're self-controlled enough to keep in our pants most of the time.

So it's hard to say much about Rae's experience because I don't really know the minds of others. Some people lean more toward the swinging side of things; some lean more toward the monogamous side of things (i.e. - polyfidelity).

So that's a tangent. I really meant to talk about networking. The more people I begin to know, the more I begin to spread the word about polyamory. Some people are adverse, some are open-minded, and some are interested in trying. The range is vast, but I seem to be gathering a larger group of poly friends by the month. I enjoy that, though, because it makes for an opportunity to create a community here in Milwaukee that really seems to be lacking in any sort of support. I think part of my issue, too, is that there are a lot of folk my age (twenties to early thirties) who are either unaware of the nature of polyamory or unaware of there even being a community. The community that does exist is dominated by older couples who seem more bent on swinging and kink than establishing friendly relationships that allow for emotional support from someone in the same boat.

Networking is key, though, I think, and I eagerly expand my network of friends as often as I can. I think, too, that the young poly community here in Milwaukee is growing, and I see myself and those in my relationship network as part of that growing community - perhaps even at the forefront, as I am always trying to pull people together. So we'll see. A network such as this adds validity to a lot of people who seek it; it adds support for those who are in need; and it adds community for those who think they're alone.