The art of awkwardness
I've been experienced in the art of awkward for quite some time, but I'd like to think that it hasn't totally disabled me, and I'm trying to move past it as much as I can. This Saturday I attempted to go on a date... well, I mean, I didn't attempt do, I did. It just wasn't overly successful. It was by no means unsuccessful, it's just that my experience in dating has pretty much only been with Killian, and I fell in love with him on our first date. It was nothing like that this time. There were no fireworks or breath-stealing butterflies. No hand holding or stolen kisses. There was only awkwardness. And you could have cut it with a freaking knife.
He got here around 2, we went out to eat at a nice Middle Eastern restaurant then off to a coffee shop. We talked about politics, parties, how corrupt Chicago police apparently are, talked a little about relationships, and it was very pleasant and nice. As far as dates go from what I've seen depicted on movies and TV and the such, it was great. I guess there was just this elephant in the room that we had to ignore. You see, the way I met him is through a BDSM networking site. I'm new to the whole thing, bondage and whatnot, so honestly meeting someone from the site seemed crazy at first, but he wasn't anything like what I had thought I'd encounter on the site. And best of all, he wasn't some creepy 50 year-old wannabe pedophile. He's my age, has a lot of common interests with me, and we had a lot of really nice conversations via email and the phone. I was very excited to meet him, and I' glad that I did, there just wasn't that spark... He was shy, quiet, and, like me, horribly awkward.
And most of all... he just wasn't Killian.
I still plan to meet with him some time in the future. Maybe it's just the first date you have to get over, then things progress from there. Maybe it was the circumstances. I don't want to give up just yet. But on a new front in the guy department, I'm meeting another guy from the same aforementioned site (also non-creepy) that actually goes to school with me in a few days. Maybe things will go over a bit better. I'll be sure to post about it.
'Til then,
~Elle
