Coming Out Poly

Nyla and I attended a wedding this past weekend, and I have to say that of all the weddings I've been to (and there have been a few), this one offended me the most. "Offended you?" you ask . . . Yes, offended me.

I began this discussion with a friend of Nyla's (and of mine), and I decided to continue it here, mostly because I have a lot to say about it - but I'll paraphrase. The reason I began to conversation with him is because he's a religious man (and a respectable one), and I thought he might be able to shed some light on the strangeness of the event. This wedding made me sincerely appreciate the difference between his way of looking at the world and that of this particular church - as told through their pastor.

Marriage as an institution is a touchy subject for me. I have a lot to say about it and most of it pisses people off. It really isn't my intention; I just come off as being overly cynical. Also, people forget that I'm married when they argue with me about marriage. It's ironic, really.

As is understandable being at a Christian ceremony, there was a great deal of emphasis on there being a man and a woman being married. And that this man and this woman would live together happily ever after because that was the way of the world. That's all well and good because people are free to go about their life as they please; here's what gets me: the pastor went on a mellow-toned tirade about "unbelievers" having to worry about the marriage failing or growing apart as a couple or dealing with the stress of children. But this married couple wouldn't have to deal with any of that worry because God and Jesus took away all worries from believers. I honestly wanted to walk out.

He also discussed - as I imagine all priests officiating a wedding these days do - the topic of the sanctity of marriage and it being very faithful to believe that a wife should bow to her husband and be subservient, and a man should love his wife. That's it. There's no sort of reciprocity on the part of the man for providing for his family or protecting the woman he loves or being a good father to the children he's supposed to have. No, just love your wife. Now, I'm no die-hard feminist*, but shouldn't that be a given? It seems a bit archaic to still be going on about submissive wives. Kink aside, submissiveness really isn't a trait the modern world admires in a woman these days.

What gets me is the sense of entitlement to a belief that perpetuates this idea that the world is static. For nearly 1500 years the same set of ideas has been continued over and over again through various Christian sects, and it remains to this day. As I've been exposed to more and more religious chastisement for my way of life, I've come to truly appreciate those with open minds because they are the ones who will surely be blessed. I find it ironic, too, that this wedding was essentially a Christmas wedding and in a church so very bent on calling out all of us "unbelievers", he never made mention once of the birth of Jesus. I think, perhaps, he was a bit too wrapped up in himself and his little speech about worry.

I'm getting a little ferklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

*Edit: Apparently this comment offends people. Fine. Let me clarify. I believe in the equality of all people. Period. I believe in the fundamentals of the Feminist movement, but I'm not going to go about castrating myself to fit in with the rest of society.