Coming Out Poly

A few posts back "Cammy" made a comment about things "going unchecked...like a roller coaster without brakes". I had thought to make a comment in response about said person not knowing what the hell she was talking about - because I didn't know her. However, I've had a very enlightening evening talking with our new friend, Cammy, who I found out is a very old friend of mine.

Let me tell you a little story, children. In 2000, I joined a writing community online and was very pleased with the massive amount of back-patting I got in the disguise of honest commentary about my writing. It was a substantial ego-booster. On this site, I met Cammy. She was rather fond of a series I was writing; and was one of the few who actually told me what she thought about my work. When it comes to my writing - now at least, more so than in years past - I appreciate honesty that improves my craft. We began exchanging emails, then chatting online, then calling one another on the phone, then chatting about very naughty things. Every so often (and by that I mean maybe twice a year) we'll go back to those days and have a little naughtiness over the phone. It's a good bit of fun.

Nyla has known about her for a long while and when she and I began our discussion about poly, I told her that I would like to tell Cammy about my feelings for her. Seven years really allows you to get to know someone - even if you've never met them in person. I've loved her for a very long time, and being that it was ok to tell her, I did. I was a bit nervous that she'd be a little weirded out by it, but it turned out well, and we've grown even closer since. I love the woman. She's a great friend and truly level-headed person who keeps me grounded quite often. She knows how to put me in my place like any good friend does.

Back to the conversation from this evening, though. She had been curious as to why I'd not mentioned her on the blog before, and I had a bit of trouble formulating a reason. It really came down to the fact that we don't talk as often as we'd both like, and when we do, I don't usually think of it being anything relevant to my posts here (we usually just talk about general goings-on in our lives and our significant others). Plus, I apparently forgot to tell her about this blog (even though I've been doing it for nearly six months now). Shhh, don't tell anyone.

This conversation was illuminating, though. She asked me a question that I'm sure others have wanted to know: was my relationship with Jenna closer to swinging than poly?

Hmm . . .

Short answer: yes. Granted, Jenna and I were friends (are still), but there wasn't much of a relationship, mostly because of my own lack of understanding as to what the relationship really was. Looking back on it, it felt more like a friends-with-benefits than a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing. I felt hidden away most of the time - not being introduced to her friends as anything - and that kind of made it feel less like a relationship. So being that when we got together it was to have dinner with Elle or . . . well to do other stuff . . . it seemed very loose on the commitment.

However, I think there is a distinction that needs to be made regarding real swinging and my swinging (boy that sounds dirty). I had the intention of establishing a relationship with Jenna; it just turned into something less than that. Swinging would have involved me just wanting to bed her and not call her the next morning - unless it was to arrange another time to get back to said bed. That wasn't what we were both after. And in the end it just faded because we were both looking for different things in our lives and our relationships.

So I've gone a bit around the bend. Relationships are tricky; that's what I have to say. Also, at the request of Cammy, I'll do my best to mention her a bit more often. Also, her boy has threatened some sort of blitzkrieg on my house if I don't (playful jest, Simon). So that's that.