Keep a calendar
Over the past few days, Nyla, Elle, and I have been in a round of debates over a particular topic: time. Or, rather, I should say time management. So my resolution - I suppose it's a New Year's one considering the proximity - is to keep a better calendar.
One of the big reasons that Elle has been with J so much is because a lack of my presence. I can understand that. There have been a lot of times when I've been over, hung out for a bit, and then leave. Some of that is because I have to work in the mornings; some of it because I have a guilty feeling like I ought to be at home. The vicious cycle continues: I feel guilty about not being home because Nyla feels alone when I'm not there, and I don't like her to feel that way. However, (yes, it continues) I get a little distant sometimes at home because I like to sit in my office - so really Nyla isn't hanging out with me. All in all, time management is key.
The three of us have resolved to be more diligent about our time together, more respectful of our time with others, and more conscious of the fact that it's a lot of hard work to maintain this thing we call poly. Some of the jealousy that has come from both Nyla and Elle (towards me) has stemmed directly from this issue. So now that's it's been identified, it's fixed, right? Hardly.
We're still new to poly, for the most part. This February will mark a year since Nyla's first date and my first time with someone else. It seems like a lot longer than that. Obviously we were with other people before that but we were with them together, so the issues of jealousy weren't really there. Now it's a different issue. So we learn as we go, and now we've learned a major factor in everyones' issues with the relationship. And the biggest thing about it is communicating about it. Not only that but communicating about it in an adult manner - i.e., not yelling at one another and being inattentive to the other's request(s). That doesn't really work very well at all.
For anyone else struggling with poly, or maybe considering it, keep time management in your mind. Jealousy can arise from anywhere - everyone has their issues - but there's no better way to make someone jealous than to make them feel neglected by not spending time with them.
Killian out.
