Coming Out Poly

I grew up in a family where fighting, yelling, and crying were so common that I didn't know other people lived another way. My dad has a problem with being verbally abusive and my mom was either utterly disconnected from our world or throwing things. This has made me pretty terrified of confrontation - people speak to me sternly and I break down. That being said, having issues with Killian and Elle or anyone else in our relationship is the last thing I want to go through. I want us to live as a happy, emotionally healthy unit.

A few articles around the poly-blogosphere have raised the question of word usage. Poly in the News has an article that mentions a few terms. Mama Java - the Polyamorous Misanthrope - also has a few things to say about poly and lgbt terms.

This weekend, Killian, Elle, and I spent a lot more time than usual together. You see, our general arrangement is both Elle and I get 2 of what we call "date days". The three of us share a calendar and we plan our date days around work, school, and other social activities. Generally we each get a night during the week and then another on the weekend.

Writers group was this weekend. Elle had a nice time; we went over two of her flash fiction pieces. I think it was a very successful group, which always makes me feel very good about running this thing. However, we had a bit of a slip-up from a friend who attends the group.

I think the past couple weeks have been good to reflect for me. I've been stressing out a lot and worrying even more, but something has finally broken.

I've had some time to spend with both Killian and Elle which has been nice; we hadn't really spent all that much time together before outside of a dinner every now and again. Being around them when they are "together" was really hard for me before. I felt a lot like the third wheel and that I didn't really need to be there. I don't know how or when things tilted, but it seems much more comfortable now.

Nikita - the woman I mentioned last post - said something last Tuesdays that's had me thinking lately. (Man I hate it when people make me think). She and I had a discussion about the LGBT community, the Polyamorous community, and the "sexual minority". The what?

Days like yesterday are very good days. We got nearly 16 inches of snow where we live. Nyla's work closed shop; Elle's school closed shop; so Killian called into work (which had not closed shop). Nyla and I slept in a bit and then headed over to Elle's to spend some time there. It was a good day, despite spending nearly two hours, all total, shoveling snow off sidewalks, out from around cars, and driveways.

The woman from Herriot-Watt sent me some more questions. Here are my answers.

Can I ask do you feel the factors which trigger jealousy in your relationships, have changed over time?

I think that there is a big misconception when it comes to feelings of jealousy/envy/inadequacy when it comes to polyamorous relationships.

Many people I have spoken with assume that we either a) don’t have those feelings at all because the people in the relationship don’t mean that much to each other or b) have them all the time, which leads to a “revelation moment” where everyone drops out of the relationship pissed and angry, never to speak with each other again.

Ok, so I wandered off the reservation a bit . . . no, wrong cliche . . . I had my train a bit derailed by myself :/ So, back to the show already in progress. Oh, and a new rule: let's refrain from politics, religion, et al that doesn't relate to poly. While I am always for a good debate regarding my beliefs and opinions, I think we'll leave those to other fora for now.

So what's on the program schedule now? Something completely different, no doubt.