Coming Out Poly

Nyla and I have always had a solid relationship. It's one of the things most people comment about when they meet us. We interact well; we communicate well; we "fit", as it were. But, like most married couples, we have our issues. Only, we're not like most married couples, so our issues aren't really the typical issues.

I think that there is a big misconception when it comes to feelings of jealousy/envy/inadequacy when it comes to polyamorous relationships.

Many people I have spoken with assume that we either a) don’t have those feelings at all because the people in the relationship don’t mean that much to each other or b) have them all the time, which leads to a “revelation moment” where everyone drops out of the relationship pissed and angry, never to speak with each other again.

Over the past few days, Nyla, Elle, and I have been in a round of debates over a particular topic: time. Or, rather, I should say time management. So my resolution - I suppose it's a New Year's one considering the proximity - is to keep a better calendar.

When Nyla and I first started dating other people, the biggest thing I had to deal with - and still do - is sex with other people. I know it sounds hypocritical to say that I am uncomfortable about it, but it's the truth, and it's one of my insecurities. It haunts me to an extent; it's like I can visualize it, and that really bothers me. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I suspects it's from that sense of abandonment I get in situations where I think my relationship is in danger from another man* . . . but I'm no psychologist.

So, I haven't posted in a while. I've had a lot to say, I just knew who was reading this and I didn't really want them to know what was going on with me, or to judge me, or take what I was saying wrong. But now that the cat is out of the bag and I'm free to blog it out.

So, I have a new guy. I'm not calling him my boyfriend, because I don't think I can yet, I just don't know him well enough, but for the sake of this blog lets just call him my guy friend Jay.

Lately I've been a bit meh - meaning I haven't really been all that motivated by much of anything. Nyla has been very ill, the issue with Jenna kind of upset me a little (because I still feel like it's my fault), and it's winter, and I always feel blah in winter.

As predicted, a door has closed in the ever-changing world of my polyamorous life. The way with relationships is that they're fluid. It seems to be that when one starts another ends - or vice versa - and anyone in a poly relationship has to truly come to gripes with the fact that this will happen if you don't have a solid relationship (meaning a long-term one).

The Polyamorous Misanthrope posted an interesting sort of debate the other day that I'd like to comment on. It's an issue that I had to deal with when I was in college, but I'd never really thought of it again until now. Here's the back-story:

This Sunday I traveled with Elle and her sister (Madison) up to their home town to hang out with them while Elle's car was worked on. More importantly, while there, I met their father. It was a tame meeting that went better than I had planned for. Being that I am 7 years older than Elle - which I'm not sure her father is aware of - I had anticipated drawn-out discussions about what I do for work, what I do on the side, etc. in order to gauge if I was fit enough for his daughter.

December 1, 2007, a date which will live in infamy. Alright, so it wasn't catastrophic - which I had envisioned - but two days later there have already been raised some questions. My co-worker, Logan, and his wife, Diana, ended up not being able to attend the party (much to my chagrin and adding to my anxiety). So Elle and I had to go it alone. But we did alright. There were a few raised brows, a number of questioning looks as people tried to process "this is my girlfriend" and reconcile it with "my wife and I went to dinner last night".