So some of the amazing people in the poly community have been working *really* hard to get up an amazing social network for poly people. Think of it as Facebook for polys. Epic, right?
Check it out: Modern Poly
Sign up for an acct, find local poly groups in your area (or add yours!), join groups, and chat with other poly people.
I want to forward this post with a disclaimer: I do NOT, have never, nor ever will watch ABC's "The Bachelor." Just needed to make things clear. My roommates, on the other hand, do watch this "show"- if you could call it that. I call it a plague, a soap opera, a drug used by single white women and housewives across the nation. I do not watch this show, but I have deduced how it works. Single dude, and in this case apparently a single dad, meets some number of single women (I'm thinking like 20), they all live in this crazy big mansion, and each week he has to choose the ones he wants to keep macking on and send the rest packing. He does this (I know from the commercials) by giving the girls he wants to stay roses (oh how cute, cue the "awws" from old ladies who still give a shit about flowers). We all pretty much know how it goes.
"Okay, Elle," you're asking, "what does this have to do with anything, much less polyamory?"
Well skeptical reader, does no one else but me detect a bit of a poly vibe here? Or maybe an anti-poly vibe? These women all live together, some of them even claim to be friends, yet they're all vying for the same guy's attention and more than a few have already declared their undying love for the man. He says -right into the camera with those big puppy dog eyes of his and that perfect lighting (of course)- that he doesn't know which girl he'll choose because he's gotten so close to all of them. And this is for marriage, mind you. I'm pretty sure he may have even dropped the big old "L." word a couple times himself (that's "love" not "lesbian" for those of you that may be Showtime fans :P). So... if you love 2 or more women... and they both love you back... and they're already cool with living together in a big mansion until happily ever after... then what's the problem?
He could potentially A) remain a hot bachelor, B) get 2 hot chicks that he loves and that love him back, C) get whatever prize money that invariably goes hand in hand with this sham marriage/contest and D) not hurt anyone's feelings at all (except those like 18 other girls :P)-- and well, if they're into it, that is :}.
I keep seeing the commercials and just wishing that people ever considered polyamory as an option. For most people it doesn't even cross their minds, and especially not in the beginning of a relationship. It's usually years down the road when they decide to pop the big question: "How would you like to see other people... together?" or something along those lines. But it doesn't ever start that way, does it? I mean when someone tells a new date, let's say a guy (because women would only be labeled sluts anyway), "Well, I really like you, but I really like her too..." it's usually coupled with an ultimatum: "It's either her or me," or unfortunate disgust/hurt, "Fine, if I'm not enough for you, go be with someone else, you whore."
BUT, if shows like "The Bachelor" are good for anything, they do show that it's possible for a human to be in love with more than one other person at a time and for more than one person to be in love with them. They ruin it by making him choose every week who he wants to ditch for someone better, but maybe it's progress... maybe?
Personally, I can't wait for the day when a reality show would embrace the poly-outlook for a dating show, and not make it trashy and full of sluttery. I'm not talking "Flavor of Love" here, I mean something respectable. Can you have "reality tv" and "respectable" in the same sentence? Perhaps one day. A girl can dream.
Yesterday I attended a workshop on sustaining an open relationships and took a lot of notes. It was an amazing experience, and I wish Killian and Nyla could have been there too. I'll try my best to surmise the most of it.