Date: March 17, 2009, 8-9pm
Location: Tool Shed, 2427 N Murray Ave Milwaukee, WI 53211

We'll be talking about what shapes as into the poly people we are: how did our backgrounds, values, and personalities shape the way we live our lives as polys. We'll also be discussing future social gatherings, the PLN conference, and receiving copies of Ravenscroft's book Polyamory (if you requested one be ordered for you. If you want one but haven't told us before now, let me know. The books are $21.95 plus tax from the Tool Shed).

Thanks to everyone who donated, the whole Modern Poly crew was able to attend the PLN conference!

It was a really great experience for me. I met a wide variety of poly people living all sort of lifestyles from all over the world.

I went to all of the sessions that I was able to, here are a few things I took away from some of the ones I went to:

Partners in Progeny by Valerie White
This was a really great session about being poly and having children. She talked about the dangers of being out as poly when you have children and how you can protect yourself. One of the things that I found the most interesting was that she said polys have this romantic idea of "we're going to have a baby and we don't need to know who the father is because we'll all raise it and love each other" - she said you should test when the baby is born because you never know if those partners will stay around and that makes it difficult if you need that information for medical, legal, or if the child just wants to know who their biological father is.

Polyamory & Diversity by Robin Trask and Jesus Garcia
This session focused on how to create more diversity ethnically, generationally, and sexuality in the poly community. We talked about the differences in all of the groups and how we can make people from those groups feel more comfortable. Diann suggested that we should be the ones to go out and make them feel welcome - approach them and ask what you can do to make things easier on them.

Polyamory & Identity by Dr Leanna Wolfe
This was a really interesting session for me. Leanna took a look at groups in Papua New Guinea and Western Africa and studied them anthropologically. She spoke about how each group practiced polygyny differently.

Young Mainstream & Poly by Jessica Karels
Jessica talked about the differences that shape the way we view relationships generationally and culturally. We did an exercise at the beginning of the session wherein we had to select traits from a list that were most important to them and then explain to everyone else why. It was interesting to see where the overlap was and how what they selected matched up with what we knew of that person's life and personality.

One the Loving More website you can find out more about both the presenters and their sessions.

The folks at Modern Poly and myself are doing a fundraiser to go to the Breaking Boundaries Conference in Philadelphia. This is a great opportunity for us to represent the younger-end of the spectrum of polyamory.

You can learn about some of the awesome Modern Poly crew:

Mai Li

Randy

Ashe

Donate to help us make it out there! Any little bit helps and we really appreciate all of your help - to show you that we do, win some free stuff for donating!

So some of the amazing people in the poly community have been working *really* hard to get up an amazing social network for poly people. Think of it as Facebook for polys. Epic, right?

Check it out: Modern Poly

Sign up for an acct, find local poly groups in your area (or add yours!), join groups, and chat with other poly people.

Last night Lyndzi and I went to the screening of "When Two Won't Do". UWM asked Lyndzi and I to also panel a discussion on polyamory and open relationships.

The movie was pretty good. It quite obviously took place in the 90s. It was a lot heavier than I expected (I won't ruin it for you, if you haven't seen it). I worry that it over-sexualized poly, personally. I know people feel differently about the whole sex and poly thing than I do. I feel that the biggest hurdle we, as a community, are having to overcome is people equating polyamory to swinging. My relationships are about sharing something special and intimate, not sex. I treat polyamory the same as a bunch of monogamous relationships that happen to be going on at the same time.

Some of the questions that Lyndzi and I were asked:

• How do you feel about legalizing multiple marriage?
  
  I believe that there is a long way to go before we are able to do something like multiple marriage. Gay marriage, obviously needs to come first. A lot of legal changes need to be made to allow for multiple marriage. How do you handle things like divorce, for instance? It is something that I would love to see one day, but I don't think it is the end goal for every relationship. The way I feel about marriage is different now that I am an adult and that I realise that having a piece of paper and a ceremony doesn't mean you love the other person more.
  
• Are you religious?
  
  The five of us are not religious, no. Some of us are spiritual, though.
  
• How do you go about making major decisions that effect the whole family?
  
  The same way every other family does: we talk about it. How will it effect everyone? What are the pros and cons?
  
• Do you know of any poly-friendly therapists in Milwaukee?
  
  There is a full list of poly friendly professionals available on our site in the resources section.
  
• Are you born poly?
  
  Some people believe they are. I, personally, believe it is an educated choice. I believe it's unfair to assume that one person can be everything. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone.
  
• Are there LGBT people in polyamorous relationships?
  
  Yes, of course. There are a number of LGBT people in our poly group. Open relationships in one form or another are just as likely in an LGBT relationship as they are in a heterosexual relationship.
  
• Do you get jealous?
  
  Everyone does. It's a matter of recognizing that you are being jealous and figure out what is causing it. Sometimes it's low self-esteem, sometimes it's a fear of abandonment, sometimes it is that they are feeling neglected. You just need to sit down with your partner(s) and discuss your feelings openly, honestly, and constructively.
  
• Do you know of any family-friendly (read:people with children) poly groups?
  
  Our group is family-friendly. We have a number of members who have children, from babies up to adults.
  

The only not-so-fun comment we had was from an older man who basically said that our relationships were superficial and that we were easily manipulated women that allowed the men in our lives to have affairs. I responded that his vocabulary and views of relationships were different from mine. Poly isn't for everyone. The relationships we have with each other aren't "affairs". Affairs imply cheating, lying, and hiding. What we do is open, honest, and ethical. I chose polyamory because I was able to choose what kind of relationship worked for me, not being stuck with what society decided I should have. I actually received compliments on answering the question so evenly - it made me proud :D

It's true that it is difficult to not take those kind of comments personally. They are almost always phrased in an aggressive, attacking way, whether or not the questioner realises it or not. I am used to the idea of having to "justify" my relationship style and have to assure people that we aren't out to assimilate them. I don't think that monogamy is a bad thing. I think that if that is what you consciously choose, it is your life. Do what makes you happy. I am doing the same for me.